Hermit Healing....

My new plan for at least the weekend, starting today, on Friday, is HH, Hermit Healing.  I believe that if I stay home, stay off the phone, facebook, etc., I will just heal some of my emotions.  I have had some issues with them recently because I am just tired of some people.  One friend told me that I get to chose, and I know this, chose who I let into my life, and who I spend time with.  This is so true and I must start adhering to this concept to feel better.  So HH is a good way to start.  

My plan is to rest, relax, read, knit (of course and always), quilt, play with my dogs, eat, sleep, nap, do some cleaning as needed, and just stay in, accept for my wonderful walks in the crisp air and snow which I find invigorating.  I love snow and crispness of air...and I know many don't, but to me, for me, it clears my mind.  I like seeing my breathe and watching for different tracks in the snow.  

I can tell by my thoughts that I am healing.  I seem to always have great plans and start enjoying them, and then let others in to enjoy them with me and it gets all spoiled.  I told my son, in a great phone conversation today about these thoughts, and he agreed that he could do some hermit time also. He says that he suffers from always doing too much for others also.  I know I bring things on by enabling people to walk all over me when I let them steal my "me" time and then I resent it.  Now I am going to be 68, and you would think I would have learned this, but I have now I believe and the thing is as I say no (which is my best yes), then people seem to think there is something really wrong with me.  I say, no, I am better, and HH and saying no, and doing things by and for  myself are healthy.  I like my own company, and next to that, I like the company of my dogs, and my hobbies, including grand books and music.  

HH.....try it.....and if you think it is a bit "eccentric", well, put on a funny hat and just enjoy.

HERE IS THE THING......

At this time in my life, age 67, I should be having joy full days of things I want to do and things I plan to do for myself and my enjoyment.  I have considered feeling selfish in doing this.  For years I have done for everyone and everyone some more.  I have enjoyed doing things also so feel selfish as a Christian, especially, to think of myself more then what I think I should.  We are told to care for other, think of others before ourselves, and on and on.  Well, this older person is really tired of this and has tried to balance it with doing things for myself and including other.  It seems that people don't appreciate this and abuse my offers and my givings of time and funds and things.  When I question them holding up their part of things, they actually get mad at me.  Wow, I am seeing that maybe I help the wrong people, even if those people are family.  I will have to start and try again, in another way.

Just today I had a family member or members not respect and appreciate what I do, but treat me poorly and then get mad when I question them.  An example is, being on time, and being ready when I get to your house to pick you up to take you to the YMCA with my car, my funds, and the membership I am paying for, and you scream at your child when I get there to get out of bed and get ready.  Really, like I have all the time in the world to wait while they get ready and are always running late.  And to take it out on the child, who could get going on her own if she had been taught to do so, as she is now age 13, well!!!  Or to blame it on your husband who should have gotten her up when he left for work.  Now when I come two times a week to get this person and they know I have changed my life and plans around due to their car issues, etc, and made plans for lessons for the child that day with a specialist at the Y, and they are not up and ready.  I think I was most upset by thinking I would wait while they got ready and then the blame game toward others.  After all this, I had to explain to people at the Y the reason the child was not there, and they had to change their morning around, and I ended up being late for my yoga class which is never a polite thing to be late for, as really nothing is good to be late for.  . . it is just plain rude.  On top of it all, I get called at the Y as I am trying to get these things done and get to my class, and the person acts mad that I did not wait and now wants to bring the child in for her special lesson....yes, the whole world waits for those who are rude and late.  Not in my world and not in most people's world.  I am so fed up with it all. 

So I went to talk to a counselor as I was so mad and did not tune down as much as I should have after one hour of yoga...that is my fault.  But I knew I needed help.  The counselor said I do need help...help stopping enabling people, help with allowing people to treat me poorly and mostly help to appreciate myself more and find joy and blessing in my life these later years of my life.  All great advise.  All advise I have given others and even myself.   Now to apply it on everyone.

I know why I like being a parent to my dogs.........they are the best people I know.

Thanks for listening to this frustrated but person doing therapy to get better.  

MY NEW YEAR and LIFE

I am 67, to be 68 in April, and I have had enough.  I have put up with stuff to put it nicely, from family and husbands for too many years, that is not acceptable.  I have also done my own thing and had a good life, many hobbies, adventures and joys.  But, I have gotten tired to the core of neglect, negativity, and uncaring.  So this year, 2016, as I begun the year, I decided to concentrate my energies on shining for those that would notice.  It may be a complete stranger (maybe an angel unawares).  Well today as I was at the hospital having blood work done, I took up a conversation with many, some I knew, and others I did not.  People that passed on by who I knew from camp, church, life, would stop and talk to me, tell me wows or happy things, and they would pass on.  The woman next to me sat quietly.  I started including her in the conversations.  She, like me, needed people and conversations.  My husband is not a talker, unless it is negative or critical, so it is just as well he does not talk much.  But, I no longer was letting this affect me, and I noted that it did not when I was out and about and myself.  This woman had had blood work also and was going to have to wait for her husband, who was again probably getting admitted to the hospital.  She and he are both in their 70's, a bit older then me, but interesting I am sure.  So I told her that I was going to breakfast at the hospital as the food was good.  She followed me, and then asked if she could sit with me.  We had such a wonderful conversation, and things just clicked together.  We ate, talked, laughed, cried, and exchanged addresses, names and phone numbers.  She lives about 15 miles past my country home.  She said she enjoyed our time so much and was so happy she made a new friend today.  Then she said, "When I heard you talking with others, I knew you were a caring and kind person, and GOD was just telling me to get to know you".  Now that is shining for HIM I would say.  I think I made a new friend today also.  In fact, I have planned to send her one of my hand colored Post cards soon.  It tickles me, this person that family husband's have neglected and trampled on can still meet and make friends, plus see all the others in my little world that enjoy conversing with me.  It is a good life and a good world and even in my corner of it on this cold winter day......I smile.

My December 22 Family Member...

This is Hemingway.  He came to live with us on 12/22/15.   Twenty days ago seems like a long time as he is a busy little dog and healthy.  He was not always so.  Two teenage boys found him left for dead in a ditch when he was only a few months old.  They took him to our Humane Society, where the staff is wonderful and loves animals.  They nursed him, gave him vitamin shots, bathed him in iodine baths for the fleas he had, which caused hair loss.  They were able to bring him around to a good stop when I met him.  The manager of the place said to me when I came in to browse, that I did not see all the dogs yet, and he took me to a private room where this little guy was in a nice cage by himself, with a blanket over the top for warmth and a nice blanket to sleep on.  He was peppy and  almost smiling I would say.  I did not even get him out that day because he was still week.  A few days later I went back again, and was able to play with him some.  He came from being weak, almost dead, to healthy, happy and well loved by the staff.  They were almost protective of him and I can understand that.  The next time I came a few days later I took my granddaughter with me to meet him.  I talked with the manager at that time.  As I used to volunteer down there, he knew that this dog would catch my heart.  After losing my Daisy Mae Foxhound last August, I did not think I wanted another dog.  My thought to visiting the HS was it was good therapy for my grieving.  The manager said he knew this little guy had me picked out.  So I filled out the paperwork and had to wait until the following week or even more to bring him home....maybe in the new year I was told.  My thought now is that they were so attached to him, they were not ready to see him go.  But when I came the next week, the manager gave him his third series of puppy shots, said I could take him home, and bring him back in three weeks for his last puppy shots, and that I could take him to the vet for neutering when he got bigger.  I was so happy.   I had already put the funds in my purse just in case he could come home.  I told them I was going to name him Hemingway because he looks a little like Hemingway, and he is little, like Hemingway's home in Paris on the Seine, which I saw when there last fall.  He also was mighty and  could be called Hemi for short, like the strong, tough hemi engines in trucks.  So my Hemingway, who was only 4 pounds, limped a little, and was still smiling I believe, came home with me.  He made his way into many of the families hearts.  My two old doxies, Sophia and Oliver, are melting a little, but tolerate him.  He is healthy, happy, fiesty, and loved, but he also loves us.  He rescued me from so much.  He does not take Daisy Mae Foxhound's place and does not have to.  He has made his own place in my home and in my heart.  Hemingway had no known birth date, so it is July 21, yes, Hemingways's birthday.    Got out and try it, adopt a pet from the shelter.  .  . they will love you forever.

CHRISTMAS SUGAR COOKIES

Today I made my sugar cookies and frosted them also.  I did miss my "counter surfer", Miss Daisy Mae Foxhound, who I lost in August.  She made the process and other counter things difficult but fun.  No one could take her place as she is my bff.  My two old little doxies, of course, cannot reach the counter, and my new little guy, Yorkie, also is too small.  Even if they could reach the counter, Daisy Dog would always be the special counter surfer.  Miss you much today my sweet friend.

Have a wonderful Holiday Season with all those you love, the two and four legged ones.  Bake, eat, talk, laugh, cry, sing, rest, and then do it all over again.  Also, remember what and why you celebrate the season for...JESUS was born and then died for your sins.  Worship and praise HIM this holiday season.  

As 2016 Comes to Me...

This past year has not been an easy year, nor was 2014, but we are at the end and I do have many good memories.  I am still able to do the things I want and even learn new and exciting things, and also plan more exciting travels if I desire.

This is a time of year that I start to not feel a bit depressed, but more reflective of the past year or years.  It gives me pause to reflect on the many good things and the few difficult things that I have gone through.  I gives me pause to reflect on things I liked but will not continue doing.  And the same goes for things that maybe I did not like so much, but gave them some time in my life before deciding to change them around also.

It has been a pleasure to blog, so I will keep doing this.  It is a way to express my thoughts and reflections and I find it a good outlet.  I continue to exercise, not as much walking, but still some.  I no longer camp nor have my Daisy Mae Foxhound to camp and take long walks with.  It does mean I can still enjoy the outdoors, which I do, and also enjoy the two little old doxies I have, ages 13 and 12.  I continue to exercise at the YMCA with yoga and swimming of laps.  Very relaxing and enjoyable plus keeps this old body limber.  However, since diagnosed with osteoporosis, especially in my back, hip and left leg and lower right leg, plus left neck and shoulder, and told that with meds it will keep it where it is, but all these places are at "easy fracture" condition....I don't think I will do aerobics, bike ride, or climbing, do to the fall factor.  I am thankful for what I can do at age 67 and really appear and feel to be in good health.  

My hobbies will continue to be knitting, and using my new circular knitting machine for socks and such, maybe to make and sell some on ebay to reap back the price of this wonderful machine.  I will quilt, of course, and do some crocheting, bake, cook, and sew other things.  But I did clear out my hobby closet to rid myself of some things.  One just cannot do everything.  I will paint also, so have a painting area in my closet, lots of yarns, winders, swift, and needles, etc.  I have quilt fabric, patterns, and a idea notebook for all.  Photography is always a must for me as I see so much beauty every day.  I also use many of the photos for oil painting materials ideas.    

I have discontinued scrapbooking, making cards, crocheting with threads, and also rug making.  I am no longer camping, and feel I am losing interest in the glamping things, Mary Jane Farm stuff as it is all connected to the camping as far as I am concerned.  I have enjoyed the glamping, the sisterhood, and my little group of women by mail or on line, but hunger more for connection with women locally that I can go to coffee with or sit and knit with.  But then again I don't care so much if I continue my knitting group which meets weekly and do not plan to continue my book discussion group which meets monthly.  It seems to me I am enjoying being home more, getting things done here and staying peaceful.

Peaceful has lots to do with it.  I don't even go to a Bible Study any longer as the women were too agrumentitive.  I see this at the book discussion and also at the knitting circle.  I have appreciated how MJF states that we will be united and not agree or push about certain things.  Oh, I do have my opinions and care lots about religion and politics, etc, community things.  But I also have the belief that these things can be discussed by adults in a polite and kind way without anger and put downs.  I have even seen it in my family, and it is just shameful.  So with that little rant, I am thinking maybe this is some of the reason for my pullback, but mostly it is because I am so tired and want to have energy to do the very things I want and enjoy doing, so will do those before spreading myself out to others.  Depressed, not really, saddened by many and also many things going on around me, but joyful in my own life and rejoicing that I can have calm and peace within and am grateful.

So,  a new year is coming, and I plan to try some new things and ways to do things.  Change is a good thing.  

x

Tis the Season....

Yes, it is the season for so much.  I have been trying to enjoy much of it all and passing on that joy to others with a smile, a hug, a small gift, or just some time.  I also am passing it on to myself by taking care to exercise, rest, and trying to eat right.  It seems I have tried to eat right and exercise lots in my life, but not always get all the rest I needed.  Now that I am retired, it does work better.  I have whole days I don't go anywhere and some I even stay in my pj's all day.  

So Thanksgiving has passed, and all I can say is, next year my plans are to go and serve the meal at some shelter like Salvation Army, where things may not have so much drama....taking care of myself here.  Then the wonderful Black Friday shopping which I enjoy doing, but with stores starting early, it takes some from the excitement.  We still do try to get up early on Friday and go and do some shopping and then out to a late breakfast or early lunch, depending on how much we shopped.  This year my daughter, who came to Thanksgiving at my son's house, asked to stay the night with us and then head out shopping with us the next day.  It was nice having a house quest and also to shop with.  Lots of laughs and wow's had by all.  

Saturday was the shop local or small town.  We did that by purchasing a new car.  Fun and I like my new little Chevy Sonic, plus side is that it is "red", good mileage, and smaller/easier to park and also see out of the back windows.  Sunday we attended our church and enjoyed that worship and fellowship.  On Monday, Cyber Monday, I , of course, had to take a part in that also, so I ordered some yarn as I have great plans to go through lots once I master making them on my circular sock knitting machine.  I have knit for 55 years and enjoy knitting socks on needles also.  I also ordered a book for my Kindle, Hemingway, which I wanted to read and also is one that FRANCE has again been reading after the attacks on Paris.  Hemingway had a "small house" on the Seine, in Paris and I was able to see this and take photos while visiting in September.

Of course I could not resist getting in on the half price of the final season of Downton Abbey, which will not ship to me until in February, but it will complete my collection of this wonderful series.  The biggest thing was that on Giving Tuesday we were able to pass our 2011 Mailbu over to our 18 year old grandson, John.  He was very excited and thankful for this gift.  He will get lots of years of use from this nice vehicle.  

Wow, I don't know what they call today, Wednesday after Thanksgiving, or the days to follow, but for me and my house, we are calling them Wednesday, Thursday, and so on.  Trusting you all had a joyful time also this Thanksgiving season and now enter into a great holiday season however you celebrate it.