OH, I HAVE MY DAYS, and Concerns!
Is it only me, well I am hoping so, because it is no fun and pretty frustrating to think that I am the only functioning adult person in my family. Really, if you are in this life, I will pray for you also as I pray for myself. I do not believe I am that exceptional that I can think, tell the truth, manage stress and function with it, and be kind and caring, thinking of others feelings, realizing we are all people who make mistakes, and when I do, the I admit it and don't excuse it away or lie about it, I just admit it, and say I will do better.
Here is the thing, when you admit that and try to do better, you may still fail from time to time, but I, for one, am so tired of people trying to blame others, make excuses (which are just lies), or totally look you in the face and lie. This is my family, what they have become and it shames me to think that it keeps going on and on and one.
By example I do believe people learn, but what if they do not. It does not seem my family has learned anything about my example. They have gone on to have their own, which is not so great, and, in fact, their children have learned from their examples. Where did my children go array????
Example, simple things: One afternoon plans are set to go berry picking at 9:00, they set the time, and we say it several times before they leave. Then I send a message also, "See you at 9:00." Not because I just could not help myself to text my family or message them....no, because I have come to know they need a remind. They respond, yes, see you at 9:00. Next morning it is 9:40 and I get a call.....aahh, I forgot did we say 9:30 or 10:00. This person knows but tries to make an excuse. I calmly say 9:00 and they say, oh, sorry, I forgot, and I will be right there. Right there is of course 20 minutes later. Now, I need to be calm, make a point, however. So I get out of my berry picking clothing and get other clothes on for my day. I water some plants, I pick the cucumbers and weed my little garden. I even take some photos and play with my dogs. I pick the berries in our patch by the shed. They arrive. Now my grandson tells me that he is sorry but he just did not recall what time I said. "I said.". Then his girlfriend backs him up by saying she did not recall either. We have a discussion about this as they can see I am not ready to go berry picking with a skirt and nice top on and sandals. I told them I had been ready and looking forward to it, but this situation of them always being late needs to spot. If they had to go to work, they would have to get up and go... (both have lost jobs due to being late so I am trying to make a point). My grandson says it is just so frustrating at home and they are not organized or on time every. I told him not to blame it on others, as he is an adult now and can do better if he wants to. Now that excuse did not work so he tries another, telling me that his mother did not come as the three dogs were gone so she had to stay home and look for them. She had let them all out at once when they got up and knows better, but now they ran off. Then he says, no, Sadie is back, the old blind doxie. So my question is why did you not stay and help her, also knowing that the two of them do not get along well. But really. The real problem is they are not to let the dogs out all together as they do run. One of their beagles ran with the other for a day and never did come back or was found. The other really troubling issue for me is that one of the dogs that is gone is my friend/neighbor's dog, which they have had to care for as a summer job for my granddaughter (who this week was a camp and her mom was going to care for). This dog is very important to my friend. She is out of the country, and I told her that I thought they could do a good job of carrying for him. He would be safe. They were to be taking him out on a leash, not just running and not with the group. I was quite upset as I was the one who said they would do okay and he would be safe. Grandson says that his mom was just home cleaning the floor before going to look for them, but he came "berry picking".....really. Now I told them to go berry picking and I would go help look for the dog.
In it all I called my husband who was in town and he decided that he would come home the back way and check roads and ditches for the dogs. I got to their house and no one was there. Then there beagle came running to me, no collar one, and panting. No sign of other dogs. I called and called and walked some. I got in the truck and headed down the road, calling my daughter in law about it. No answer. Then she calls back in about ten minutes, while I was looking elsewhere for the dog. She says nothing about the dogs, but I do, and she says yes they were gone for some time, but the beagle came back and then Ben. So she had him in the bathroom as he was wet and full of burrs. I told her I had come to help look for him as I had told them that he would be safe there and I felt responsible. She said that I could take him home to our house and take care of him and it would not bother her one bit. (I had already told my husband that he was coming home with me, because this could happen again in another month of their care.) So I jumped on that and said yes I would take him home with me. When I got there she was talking about things a mile a minute and throwing his things together. I asked for him and she got him out of the bathroom, so I put him in the truck and some of his things. She brought the rest out....still talking and excitable. I give her a hug and head to the truck and she walks away with arms in arm saying, "Yes, the important thing is to have a "dog" safe!".
What was that all about....like I caused any of this. I did not have to have a discussion with her about taking the dog with me. She brought it up and I said yes.
He is home here, with our 4 dogs and a nice fenced large backyard and dog door. I was hoping this would work out for my granddaughter who is 14 and could earn some money and have fun with him. Now I am the one at my home with an extra dog (which I don't mind as I would do that for my friend or neighbor), but I have an extra dog, family who are upset, and at me. I feel badly that my granddaughter will be missing fun with him and learn responsibiltiy of caring for him and earning funds also. I feel badly that her mother acted irresponsible. In fact I learned that both she and my grandson were still sleeping when people were coming to go berry picking so they got up and dressed and dogs went out the door for morning time all together....because, they were not responsible enough to get up in the morning, be on time, do the things they should be doing.
Dysfunction wears me out and then bad feelings, hurt feelings to be mended. I am tired of it and yet don't know what to do about it but stand up to it each and every time things happen like this. If she would have taken responsibility and said it was her fault and thanks for coming to help and I should have leashed him and taken him out......but no....and now my granddaughter tells me by a message that it was her fault as she should have told her mother to be careful with him. See any common sense or responsibilty here??????I don't, again, blame going to all the people who are not the blame. Too much, too much, too much.
Hoping you see this example and work on your examples with your people. I just get floored by these daily, weekly things.....is there hope???????